Mental Barriers to Social Confidence

Shyness occurs when someone is inhibited in social situations. Many people who experience shyness describe a struggle with inner worries and insecurities when they’re in social situations.

At times, shy people come across as cold and aloof because they are trying to manage their discomfort by sending out “don’t approach me” vibes.

Insecurity occurs when you have a low opinion of your own value, especially in social situations. Insecure people often believe that others won’t like them, and they tend to second-guess others’ words and find a different meaning than were originally intended.

An individual may be experiencing social anxiety if they have anxiety or fear about specific social situations because they believe they may be judged negatively, embarrassed, or humiliated. This anxiety or fear is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the social situation. Social anxiety differs from other mental barriers like shyness because it comes with uncomfortable physical symptoms that arise during those social situations.

Discouragement can occur when an individual loses their confidence and enthusiasm for social situations. Pessimism describes the tendency to see the worst aspects of things. When these two behaviors occur, it can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors in social situations which then reduces that individual’s ability to engage positively with others and make lasting friendships.

Shift your mindset

• Turn your anxiety into excitement! Your brain doesn’t know the difference, so you can shift your mindset away from being anxious and towards being excited for the challenge in front of you.
• Visualize yourself having a positive and successful conversation. If you can see yourself doing that in your mind’s eye, you will be more likely to accomplish it in reality!
• Stop beating yourself up, stop trying to be perfect, and embrace your emotions. Realize that everyone experiences some discomfort during social situations. So, embrace those feelings, give them some “screen-time”, and then move forward. Do not let the thought that you “shouldn’t be feeling this way” bog you down and inhibit you from engaging.

Feel more confident

• Ask someone a few more questions than you typically might. Challenge yourself to dig deeper into the conversation when you might just stop talking and give way to an awkward silence.
• Find something distinct to compliment the person on. Bonus points if it’s something you have knowledge on or commonality with because that’s a great way to get a conversation going!